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Behind every great gay man, there’s a real desire to have an awesome straight dude (and I don’t mean sexually). For many gay men, having a close straight male friend is akin to capturing the holy grail. It’s something that is fetishized and yearned for on both sides. In the past, I’ve sought out the company of straight men because, in a way, I feel like it validated my masculinity. It made me feel more versatile, like I could pass for “straight” and inhabit a heterosexual world more seamlessly than my other “gayer” friends. I’m not proud of this logic. On the contrary, I think it’s totally screwed up and an obvious indicator of self-loathing. Why does it give me so much pride when I gain the approval from heterosexual males? Am I that eager to not be perceived or defined as gay? I think it’s just another example of gay men’s aversion to be labeled as “femme.” If you go on any gay male dating/sex site, you’ll see a large percentage of men who are looking for “straight acting guys only.” They identify themselves as jock types and make a point to say they’re not into “femmes.” In the gay world, “femmes” have the least amount of power whereas so-called masculine men possess the most. So if you’re the kind of guy who’s never going to be described as “jockish” and you want to feel accepted, being friends with straight guys can often feel like the next best thing.

This obsession with masculinity and, by extension, straight culture, definitely bleeds into the straight guy/gay guy dynamic.

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For many men there is still a desire to “pass for straight.” It’s not healthy.  It shows a great fear, on their part, that being gay makes them “lesser” as men.  Disdain for “visibly gay” people is often another symptom.  This has nothing to do with concepts of masculinity, however.  Such an argument may come up, but that too will be only in the mind of the man who still wants to appear “straight.”  We hear it all the time - the guys who have never been able to reconcile being gay and being a ‘real man’, and who continue to believe that to be a ‘real man’ one must be able to embody decidedly stereotypical straight-male characteristics, aesthetics, or manners.  One can very well be ‘masculine’ in the eyes of greater society and still be visibly, obviously, and identifiably gay.  It doesn’t make him any better nor any worse than any male that falls on a different side of the “Perceived-Masc/Femme Spectrum”.  Diversity, folks.

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No Matter Gay or Straight, “Boys Will Be Boys”
If there are qualities that gay men have in common with straight men, they might have something to do with what sexually turns both groups on. At least that’s what Psychology Today’s Leon F. Seltzer would love to make you believe.
In his most recent online article, Gay or Straight, A Male Is a Male Is a Male, Seltzer argues that although many people often compare the sexual desires of gay men to those of straight women—quote—“a gay man’s sexual brain is far more similar to a straight male’s than to a female’s.”
But how, you might ask, are the sexual psyches of gay men wired in the same ways as straight men?

No Matter Gay or Straight, “Boys Will Be Boys”

If there are qualities that gay men have in common with straight men, they might have something to do with what sexually turns both groups on. At least that’s what Psychology Today’s Leon F. Seltzer would love to make you believe.

In his most recent online article, Gay or Straight, A Male Is a Male Is a Male, Seltzer argues that although many people often compare the sexual desires of gay men to those of straight women—quote—“a gay man’s sexual brain is far more similar to a straight male’s than to a female’s.”

But how, you might ask, are the sexual psyches of gay men wired in the same ways as straight men?

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9 Good Reasons Straight Men Should Explore Homosexuality
Fellow frustrated heterosexual males: are you tired of being alone? Sick of hearing “there are plenty of fish in the sea”? Well, up to now, we’ve only ever considered half the fish that are even out there, haven’t we? What about the other half? What about the fish that are gay?

Pretty funny-

9 Good Reasons Straight Men Should Explore Homosexuality

Fellow frustrated heterosexual males: are you tired of being alone? Sick of hearing “there are plenty of fish in the sea”? Well, up to now, we’ve only ever considered half the fish that are even out there, haven’t we? What about the other half? What about the fish that are gay?


Pretty funny-

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Curious Thing- Gay Short Film


Curious Thing delves into the complicated tension that sometimes exists between gay men and their straight friends—on both sides.


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Straight bartenders in gay bars

We’ve all been here before…
You walk into your favorite bar and notice a new bartender- 
He may or may not be flirting, but he certainly knows how to use those kind eyes and that bright smile. You’re single and always open to making new friends, meeting the next great love of your life or securing a hot piece of tail, so you start engaging with said bartender
Then he mentions his girlfriend.

Straight bartenders in gay bars

We’ve all been here before…

You walk into your favorite bar and notice a new bartender- 

He may or may not be flirting, but he certainly knows how to use those kind eyes and that bright smile. You’re single and always open to making new friends, meeting the next great love of your life or securing a hot piece of tail, so you start engaging with said bartender

Then he mentions his girlfriend.

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We humans are driven by the imperative to procreate. As spiritual, philosophical, intellectual, and creative as we are, in the end we must, and will, have sex. In the end. See?! Right there! It’s like it’s all we can think about. Stupid pulsating gonads. Anyway, eight seconds spent people watching at any mall (or airport, or county fair, or concert, or through your blinds at your neighbors, you perv) makes extremely obvious what any dog knows: it’s all about the big You-Know-What (the sex… I mean it’s about sex). So why, for basic human needs and desires, does the urge to merge actually and totally compete with, say, food?

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10 Surprising Facts About Straight Teenage Boys
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A Coming Out Story


A teenage boy comes out to his family about his sexual orientation, which proves disastrous. 

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How many times have you heard that question asked? It seems like at least one homophobe (usually male) per week will ask the question. They’ll dress it up in a call for modesty: “no one needs to know about your sex life!” I have tried repeatedly to get these people to see that being gay is not merely a sexual distinction, but a social distinction. I tried to get them to see how socially awkward the world is when people don’t know you are gay.

I try to show them multitude of ways that they themselves “flaunt” their sexuality. Whether if that’s through holding hands in public with their opposite sex life partner, or showing off photos of said life partner to nearly everyone they meet, or any number of social markers straight people use to identify their sexual orientation, or maybe just the general heterosexual privilege of presumption that so many of them enjoy. None of this works. This post is my last ditch effort to reach these people. It’s in the form of a challenge.